Stop feeling guilty: A reminder from Inez Palm
I think we all feel a bit frustrated with the current situation, do we not? What is happening in the world is certainly affecting all of us in one way or another. Whether you are quarantining or still going to work (like a lot of people do in Sweden, where I live), it is easy to feel a bit powerless at this moment in time. Things have been put on hold, plans have been cancelled, and we are all desperately trying to navigate through a new, unstructured and uncertain way of life as if blindfolded. How do we get out of bed in the morning, when there is no place to be at a certain time? How do we organise our time, when there is nothing to organise it around (besides maybe our meals)? For me, the biggest challenge so far has been the uncertainty. Not knowing what the next few weeks will look like is certainly hard for someone who likes to make plans and schedule things to look forward to months in advance. And when all of my plans for the future were suddenly cancelled, I was left with nothing but myself and the now. This hit me hard and left me feeling a bit empty. However, I think my inability to look forward, forced me to look inward.
I started to realise that the reason I was feeling empty was that up until now, my life has revolved around the future, around what to do and where to go next. What are my plans for next week? When do I see my boyfriend next? Have I booked enough things to look forward to in the summer? Should I be looking for new jobs? What will my next achievement be? So much of my energy has always revolved around the future. It still does, do not get me wrong, these thoughts have partly been replaced by worries such as “will this ever end”, “when will it end” and “what will happen when it does”. But it has made me think twice about how I want to live my life. Because although it may be frustrating to not be able to think far into the future, or make any plans really, I do think there is something good to it. We are forced to live in the now and become more mindful. We are forced to accept our current situation, whatever it looks like, and we are forced to a bit of self-reflection. I have started calling my friends and family every day, I have been baking and cooking more than ever before, I have been reading for hours each day and I am constantly listening to music or podcasts. Not only because I have ended up with a lot of time on my hands though—mainly because my boredom and frustration these past few weeks have really made me think about what gives me joy in my everyday life, and what stops my days from blending into one.
I do, however, also think it is important to address the fact that having a lot of time on your hands and extra time to do all these things (read more, learn how to cook, start painting etc.) can create a lot of pressure and lead to feelings of guilt. It is as if we are suddenly expected to make great use of our time simply because we have so much of it. And although well-intentioned “advice on how to cope with isolation” can be useful, and me suggesting that something good can come out of isolation may spread a bit of positivity, I also think that these things contribute to creating the idea that we should all be using our time at home well—thereby indirectly suggesting that if we do not, we are doing something wrong and wasting a valuable opportunity.
But it is definitely hard, and I do not even know where I stand in this myself. I certainly think having routines, and maybe doing a short workout or trying to have some projects and plans for the day can be helpful—but I also think most of us have a really hard time doing just that. And I know that although I have been baking more, calling my friends more, and slowly learning how to be more present, I have also spent the majority of my time doing absolutely nothing useful, struggling to maintain routines, and feeling quite bad about myself because of that. So therefore, I think it is important to state that although we would all love to establish good habits and take up new hobbies, the majority of us will probably find it hard to do so. Instead, we will find ourselves spending hours and hours scrolling through social media, sleeping, binge-watching TV-shows, and struggling to maintain healthy eating habits. I know I have. And that is okay too. It is not something anyone should have to feel guilty for. Because truth is, it is only human to struggle to keep your mood up, maintain routines and be productive whilst spending a lot of time at home, lacking social stimulation and structure, and trying to cope with the future being so uncertain.
In conclusion, I do think this period in time can teach us all some valuable lessons. I certainly think it is a great time to learn a new skill, read loads of books, or get into a routine of doing at-home-workouts. But if you do not: that is perfectly fine. So let us all agree that doing nothing and being completely “useless” it absolutely okay? You do not need to make good use of your time, and you do not need to come to any life-changing realisations. It is perfectly okay to just be.
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