Raise boys and girls the same way
Most of us can relate to a moment where we found ourselves standing in a toys section, baffled by the distinguishing of boys and girls in front of us. Because it is utterly absurd that science, cars and weapons in blue colour-tones are marketed to boys, while dolls, makeup and tiaras in pinks are reserved for girls. You reveal an alarming reality the minute you start to dig a little deeper and deliberately scrutinise the different expectations you, already as a child, were prescribed due to your sex.
This article will be the first of two dedicated to the topic of gender roles in children’s upbringing. This time focusing on how girlhood and the ways media impact young girls. To compliment the article is a selection of photos by Samera Paz, who delicately captures growing up as a girl through the photo series: Becoming a girl and GIRL.
What does it mean to be a girl?
What was the first thing that sprang to mind? Glitter? Barbies? Pink ribbons, princesses, lipstick, sundresses, purity or weakness?
It definitely takes a lot to be a girl, especially when you consider the layers of pressure from society that we have to face on a daily basis: You should be skinny yet curvy, sexy but not "slutty", long legs but not taller than most men. At the same time, you should never get angry, but there is of course an exception to this rule. Catfights are acceptable because pitting women against each other is considered as hot™. How on earth did we get to this point? At our core we might consider womanhood as something that goes hand in hand with strength, empowerment and compassion, but when we are faced with the question of what it means to be a girl, it seems unavoidable that the colour pink crosses our mind. However, once we are aware of these expectations to gender that are engrained in our current society and that we might have internalised, that is when we can stand up to them.
Today, the easiest way for a female celebrity to transition from a child-star to an adult-star seems to be through her sexuality. Brands like Pink (by Victoria’s Secret), who originally sold clothing meant for college girls are continuously targeting younger and younger crowds. Although few retailers dare to admit it publicly, sex sells and the tween market is a very valuable market that is easily exploited. All this sexuality aimed at young girls can be extremely harmful and a number of studies show that such focus on sexuality is directly linked to an increased body-dissfatisfaction, depression and lower self-esteem.
This is our culture.
One documentary that provides eye-opening and valuable insight into the negative effects of the new sexual landscape that the cyber age has created is Sexy Baby. Over the course of 84 minutes it brings up a number of provocative and interesting questions about how the media and advertising industry is impacting girls' self-esteem and body-image. The questions arises as you meet an ex adult film star, a 12-year-old girl, as well as a 22-year-old teacher who are on a journey to finally acquire a "normal" vagina. While doing research for the film, the team had conversations with many kids ranging from middle schoolers to college students and made several discoveries that were alarming but unfortunately not surprising: 1) Many kids have accidentally or intentionally had their first introduction to sex be via hardcore online porn. 2) Having pubic hair is considered unattractive and “gross” by a majority. 3) Most youngsters know someone who has emailed or texted a naked photo of themselves. 4) Social media culture promotes competition and worries among kids about what image to portray online.
Much of what was once private is now made public and the cyber age has in many ways added to the pressure that women and girls face in regards of their body and sexuality. The fact is that as you grow up and try to find out who you want to be, you are particularly vulnerable and easily influenced by your surroundings, whether that is the media, celebrities or friends. The unrealistic beauty-standards found on social media, in movies and in the fashion-industry, among other things, are countless. From makeover shows and Top-Model, to rom-coms and Disney movies, there is a common message: As a girl, you should be skinny, pretty and fragile. And if you do this, you may get lucky and find a man to marry. The end. Of course there are movies attempting to change this narrative by challenging traditional beauty-standards and introducing more characters of minority background. But we need a revolution.
The pressure to be what society deems as "perfect" is too easily inflicted on young and impressionable girls, especially when the pressure seems to be coming from everywhere. Mom is dieting, the movie you watched last night tells you that complex women are "crazy" and as you open Instagram you cannot help but feel that your pimples are abnormal. What we need are companies that do not profit from making girls feel insecure and companies that takes diversity beyond the token-figure. We need to let our girls grow up to love themselves rather than despising their body for not being a size 0.
There are unfortunately may ways that your gender influence your identity and transition into adulthood. A classic example is the sexualised advice given to girls as they grow up, from their family, teachers and friends: Do not eat a banana in public, do not wear suggestive clothes, do not sit like a man. Those types of "advice" are often given. Simultaneously, it is taboo to talk about sex, which means that there is hardly space for talking about sex in a healthy way. As a girl, you are basically trained to be asexual but, suddenly, as you enter puberty, or even before that, you are expected to be "sexy". Now it is time to shave your legs, hide your period from the world and put on some makeup. As a consequence of this, many girls also develop a very weird relationship with their sexuality, and struggle to feel in tune with their body.
There are so many stereotypes and expectations that have a toxic influence on girls' sense of identity and their self-esteem, they become hard to count. Not only does society tell girls to dress a certain way, forces sex on them and then does not allow them to talk about sex (creating confusing feelings), but it also obsess over the impossible achievement of “perfect.” On top of that, society seems to be designed to constantly pit women against each other, while belittling real issues women face by accusing them on overreacting. It can all feel pretty gloomy.
The good thing is that the revolution has already started, the feminine is rising and the battle is not lost. Women empowering each other and building each other up is a beautiful force. Let’s be nicer to each other in small ways, be open, speak with certainty and teach each other to believe in ourselves. We need to fight for a better future for both ourselves and our girls. Let’s start with one fundamental change: Raise boys and girls the same way.
